Well Past Half Way

When I think of the hardest day I have had here in Australia, I think of February 28^th. It was a Thursday, which meant no class. Only a week after arriving, I was planning on going off and exploring this new place. But when I woke, loneliness awoke with me. As I ate this weird food for breakfast that I didn’t like, in this new house, all by myself I felt this sadness. I wondered how long I would have to do this same routine.

I counted- 111 days.

Whew.

I divided that in half, and counted to the half way mark- it was the April 13 and 14 weekend.

And I cried.

That seemed that an incredibly long time.

To eat flavourless museli every morning.

To travel on the confusing buses.

To walk in the hot sun, getting blisters all over my feet.

To get to know these people who I hadn’t figured out.

To spend in class, with lecturers I couldn’t understand.

To attempt to understand the culture.

To live with this new family that seemed so unlike mine.

To sleep in an unfamiliar room on a bed that I couldn’t find a comfortable position on.

To spend away from my amazing friends.

To spend away from my loving family.

My home, my culture, my heart.

How was I ever to make it?

I immediately grabbed my phone and called home. It was a 40 minute phone call and most of it was filled with me bawling. Of all the low moments here, that was by far my lowest. I told my mom I wanted to come home, that I didn’t like it here, that I was never going to make it the four months. I cried harder as I told my mom I counted to halfway and I didn’t think I could even make it that long.

Yet, here it is a month and more past that day. In fact, I am 18 days away from heading home, leaving me well past half way.

When that halfway mark came, I celebrated. Not because I hate it here and I am dying to come home. I was celebrating in how far God has brought me, because I absolutely love it here. It is an emotion I never dreamed of feeling that February morning. Yet, I do and it is beautiful.

So what’s been happening to make it so beautiful? The better question would be what hasn’t been happening.

Easter break was an extraordinary week.

The Thursday before Easter I attended a Maundy Thursday service at St James in the City, the oldest church in Sydney. Maundy Thursday is a service that focuses on Jesus being left by the disciples, therefore a very saddening service. It really sets even more of a framework for Easter weekend as it serves as another reminder as to what Jesus went through to save us from our sins.

The next day I went to my church, Saint James Croydon for their Good Friday service. Here in Australia, everyone has Good Friday off. That means their church services are in the morning. The service was a blend of traditional and contemporary. It made me a little home sick as it was very similar to what a Good Friday service would look like at my home church. After, they have the wonderful tradition of serving hot cross buns. Seriously, the States needs to adopt this practice. They were hot and buttered and soft and delicious!

I had a few moments of sadness thinking that I was missing Easter back home. But God quickly reminded me of the importance of finding joy here. In addition, I realized that the weekend I was about to have was unlike any other Easter weekend I will probably ever have in my life.

That weekend took place in Cairns, Queensland! Saturday morning, 6 friends and I flew 3 hours up north to what is definitely now one of my favourite towns in the world.

The adventures immediately started that afternoon as we had decided it would be a great idea to jump off of a 164-foot bridge. Let me tell you, that was one of the most exhilarating and crazy experiences of my life. But I don’t regret it for a second. The nerves came on the shuttle trip to our jump location. But I thought back to my lessons I learned from the slide, and I knew I had to do this. So I pushed the negative thoughts out of my head and I chose to focus on the adventure I was partaking in. While I was getting strapped in, I couldn’t stop thinking about how crazy this was. I never really had a desire to bungy until more recently; I always dreamed of going skydiving. But here I was, about to jump horribly far down only attached to a chord. Walking out to the edge of the platform was so crazy! You look around and everything is below you. It’s a surreal moment. There’s nothing on your level so it becomes clear as to how really far down everything is. The piece of advice they kept telling us was to not hesitate. So as he shouted ‘3,2,1 bungy’ I knew I had to do it. There was this split second after I heard ‘bungy’ where I thought ‘Tarah, what in the world are you about to do?’. But I went. Free falling was beautiful. You never experience anything like it in life. You could choose to have a ‘water’ dive or not, so I chose it. That meant that when I reached the bottom of the jump, I went under water for a few seconds. That made the experience even that much more unique and incredible. After, I was on this adrenaline rush and I felt like I could conquer anything. It was one of the most insane moments of my entire life and will probably be one of my top 5 Australian memories. Above all, I was just proud of each of us for doing something so incredibly unique and insane. The founder of the Bungy place is quoted saying “every day you should do something that reminds you you’re alive”. I definitely knew I was alive that day.

Easter day was spent at The Great Barrier Reef! One of my greatest dreams has always been to come to Australia and see The Great Barrier Reef. To be able to accomplish that on Easter was humbling. We took a long boat ride out to two different locations where we snorkeled. The boat tour fed us a delicious lunch- something very important to hungry students with little money! The Reef itself is a beautiful display of God’s handiwork. You feel this unique sense of being free as you simply swim with that art work surrounding you. I would race with the fish, chase them down between rocks, swim around jellies. I  saw such a wide array of colours and fish. It reminded me of how much of God’s beauty I have yet to see in this world.

That night we all ‘splurged’ and went out to a great burger place for our Easter dinner. It was nothing reminiscent of the Easter meals I grew up around and missed this Easter. But it was a different kind of wonderful. We all sat and talked about our dreams. Because I am a dreamer, I couldn’t think of a better conversation topic for that meal.

The next day was my favourite of the trip. We took a tour of the Daintree Rainforest with Uncle Brian’s Fun and Falls Rainforest tour. If you’re ever in Australia, please do this tour! We traveled to four different locations on Gus the Bus. The four locations were places to swim including a place with natural rock slides, Milla Milla Falls and a volcanic crater lake. In between each location, we had a bit of a ways to travel. But ‘Cousin Rohan’ as our guide was called made it a party. There are not words to describe the pure glee I felt. We sang songs (complete with hand motions) at the top of our lungs and played crazy games. The best location in my opinion was Milla Milla Falls, a 100 foot water fall. Number 30 on my bucket list is to swim through a waterfall. I was able to cross that off then! It was such a God focused moment- to see it, to swim under it, to look out from within it and then to swim through it. Once inside, I just sat there feeling the spray from the rushing water. I could not stop praising God for His Hand in this semester. I couldn’t stop saying ‘this is crazy’ over and over. I always knew God loved it when I dreamed my crazy dreams. But to be able to experience Him giving me the beautiful accomplishment of catching those dreams is unlike anything else. At the end of our tour, we went platypus spotting where I was even able to see this endangered, local animal.

Later that week our program took a trip to ‘the outback’. Better known to Australians as Louth, New South Wales or ‘back of bourke’. This trip was incredible and was just what I needed. I am in no way a city girl. I have figured that out this trip. While I love living in the city, the moment our bus left the tall buildings, loud noises and busy streets, I realized why I love the town life. Towns offer just enough civilization to keep you alive, yet enough land to keep you sane. For this season, I am more than content to live in the city as everything you can imagine is at your fingertips. But I most definitely miss those hills I grew up surrounded by.

We took a 2-day bus trip out to Louth. I grew up on road trips so I was in my element. We had very few stops and therefore I was thankful for those summer trips out to Colorado when my dad wouldn’t stop for the bathroom. You learn how to hold it for a while without a bathroom stop.

Once in Louth we stayed at Trilby Sheep Station. They have 300,000 acres of land and herd the sheep with helicopters. But there are also goats, dingos and kangaroos! It was incredible to see real life kangaroos. It’s the most majestic thing watching wild kangaroos. They hop so gracefully. Actually, they glide they don’t even hop. It’s so peaceful and beautiful.

I was almost captivated by the life they live out in Louth. Australia doesn’t have the Mississippi River like the US. Therefore, the middle of the continent is as dry as ever. Not the most practical set up for living. Therefore most of the population lives on the edges. Almost a few hours into our drive, we were met by empty land. If you drove a few hours into the States, most places there would still be a good amount of people. There weren’t grocery stores, a post office or a Target anywhere around. Therefore they fly in everything- including the doctor. The couple who owns the sheep station were as tough as you could get. Their spirit of being ready for anything was eye opening. Being flooded in for six weeks? No biggie. Having to drown dogs in bags with bricks? Oh, they did that without batting an eye.

It was also a great time of bonding with my group. I really believe God surrounded me with the greatest 20 something people this semester. They’re ready for anything and nothing stops them. I’ve gained a love for each individual person in my group. Each one has taught me something beautiful about life, our Lord, adventure- whatever.

While the Cairns trip was focused on facing fears and thriving off of adventure, the time in the Outback was a time of solitude. I am not one for silence. Back home, I always play music. In the shower, in the car, getting ready. Whatever it is, noise is with me. But out in the Outback we were challenged to leave behind our noise making machines. And without the noise of the city, it was me, God and my thoughts for a lot of the trip. We had a lot of down time and in this time, I was forced to face my thoughts. Where as with the city or iPod noise, I usually push my thoughts to the back of my head and avoid tackling the big issues at certain times. I will face them eventually, but usually through the medium of voicing them to somebody.

But something this entire trip has taught me is the beauty of processing with God. I have never really given God the chance to help me process. I was always turning to something or somebody else. But without those ‘crutches’, I have learned to turn to God. And it has been beautiful. One day in the Outback, I went and found a space by the river and just sat there. It was nearing that halfway mark of this journey and I thought a lot about what else I wanted this adventure to hold for me. I thought about what I wanted to see stay the same and what I wanted to see change. And I heard God amidst it all too... because I gave Him the chance to speak.

One huge blessing of this semester has been my church here. I attend (along with my roommate) St James Anglican Church in Croydon, about a 10-minute walk from my house. In addition, there has been the wonderful experience of our growth group. Our friend Mikaela has such a servant’s heart and picks us up each Wednesday night. There we have a warm, home cooked meal from our Bible study leader, followed by our study in Hebrews and it ends with ‘supper’ or dessert. The whole night is the perfect mid-week treat. Finding this church I think has been God's way of reminding me that He is still here, looking out for me. I can't imagine my semester without these wonderful people at this wonderful church! It’s definitely on the top of my ‘what I’ll miss most about Australia’ list.

My classes are going…. uh, well. Or as I always say “they’re going. Not sure if I’m going with ‘em”. But have no fear, I’m not failing or anything. It’s just been a challenge to find a balance between schoolwork and adventuring. To be honest, I don’t think I have found that balance. I just go and adventure and fit in homework in the mean time. By the grace of God, I’ve been able to turn out some quality work. And from the grades I’ve gotten back, I’m not doing so bad! I have weekly readings, one more 2500 word paper, two photo projects and a presentation left within the next two weeks. So I’ll be a busy girl!

I’ve been blessed to make incredible friends here. They’re just what I need at this time, in this season. For the first few weeks while I was here, I struggled thinking I would never find friends. I meant what I said earlier about feeling like I’m here with some of the greatest people. No matter the activity, they always make it an adventure. I know my semester would be incredibly different if it weren’t for some of them.

My homestay has been going swell, as well. I’m actually not home that often. Class Tuesday night, Growth Group Wednesday night, I serve on Thursday nights, I’m usually in the city adventuring on Friday and Saturday nights and Sunday I’m at church for the 7pm service. But when I’m home, I’m either doing homework up in our room or down chatting with my host parents.

My host family, roommate and I always have great conversations. Whether it be about souvenirs, adventures to fit in, my classes or the state of the health care reform in the States. And that last one isn’t a joke. My host dad is very well educated and is trying his hardest to fit in as many of a history and political lessons as he can during each conversation. Sometimes I think just living with him should earn me 3 credits due to all I’ve learned!

It’s going great with my roommate as well. We have such a special relationship that I really treasure. She’s starting to figure me out and knows that my ‘I’m okay’ usually means I’m not. She’s always there ready to listen though. We’ve fit in some roommate dates lately- a movie night, an afternoon in the city and a breakfast date are a few. We’ve talked about how we’re thankful we’re roommates because we aren’t sure our paths would’ve crossed enough this semester for us to become close friends.

Other adventures include bike riding in Centennial Park, seeing a show at the Opera House, visiting Coogee beach, souvenir shopping at the markets in suburbs, participating in ANZAC day by attending the march in the city, going to an AFL game, learning how to throw a boomerang and a spear, a day out with my host mom, going to Cronulla beach and sand dunes and trying kangaroo in the form of a delicious burger.

The Opera House show was STUNNING. We saw Cirque de la Symphonie. It was basically different acrobatic moves put to Symphonie music, played by the Sydney Symphony. Simply beautiful and it was over way too quick! It was fun to get dressed up and go out to eat. All night I kept remembering where I was and thinking about how crazy it was. When I was 16, I used a picture of the Opera House as the background on my iTouch. I kept remembering that that night and thanking God that even crazy dreams come true!

Coogee beach was incredible! We snorkeled, threw around the Frisbee in the ocean, swam out in the water. It was one of those days you felt you were definitely in Australia. Amidst papers, readings and class, this place can feel sort of obnoxiously normal. But that day, we definitely knew where we were. It helped that we were in a place that could easily be in an Australia commercial!

The AFL game was fun. Even though the Swans lost, I had a great time being a ‘sport’ fan here. It wasn’t a Giants game, but I made it work!

The ANZAC march was a cool thing to experience. Australians show their patriotism very differently than Americans, one way being that displaying flags is rare. But on this day, flags were everywhere and outward patriotism was more than apparent. It felt very 4^th of July-ish, which is one of my favorite holidays.  It also made me feel very local and ‘Australian’, a unique feeling.

For our Indigenous History, Cultures and Identity class, an Aboriginal friend of our Aboriginal teacher came and brought spears, didgeridoos and boomerangs to class. Basically, I can’t throw the spear or boomerang at all and my didgeridoo playing is slacking. I kept trying and trying to learn how to correctly throw the spear with the woomera. I tried and tried and tried. By the end, my efforts finally seemed decent so I let someone else have a go. I felt like a bit of a failure, as I’m a perfectionist. But as my friend reminded me, I know now it’s not my calling to be Aboriginal.

My host mom is a teacher so she had two weeks off for school break. (Side note: Aussies have SO many holidays…four weeks of holiday a year, not including breaks and more). On Thursday she took us out to different suburbs around the area to get a different cultural experience. We visited Cabramatta for the Vietnamese experience and had Pho and a tart, Lakemba for Lebanese culture and Auburn for the Turkish cultural time, getting Turkish Delight and Baklava. Earlier in the week, both my host mom and dad took me to Petersham, the Portuguese suburb here. They still don’t understand how I can have a Portuguese heritage and a) not know anything about those roots and b) have no interactions with the culture. They’re trying their hardest to educate me here! It was great to spend some time with them away from the house.

Two weeks ago was a rough one. I reached this point of being tired of learning. Of being stretched, of being challenged. I was nearing the exhaustion point of being forced to change. I just wanted to be home, where I know comfort, where I’m not constantly adjusting to being uncomfortable every second of the day.

Unfortunately we took our South Coast trip when I was feeling those emotions. We traveled 3-hour trip down the coast to Jervis Bay to spend the weekend with an Aboriginal community. It was part of our Indigenous History, Cultures and Identity class. We walked through the ‘bush’ learning about native plants and such. We discussed what the roles of men and women are. And we talked about how they worship God, and if He is the same God we serve. That last point was a hard one to tackle when I was exhausted from learning and being challenged, let me tell you. I do not really have any wisdom to share about that topic and it’s something I’m still battling and struggling with. But I doubt I’ll find an answer any time soon, to be honest.

While a lot of people really enjoyed it, I just couldn’t invest myself. As hard as I tried to get involved in the learning, my mind just refused. While I was respectful (don’t worry, mom!) and paid attention, I wasn’t really having fun. I was more than grateful to get back into the city. Which was such a switch from what I felt coming back from the Outback, when I had almost mini- culture shock (more like city shock) and didn’t want to be back.

Thankfully, there were some hidden highlights in the trip. One would be my totem group, featured above.

I’m feeling a lot better now. On Tuesday last week after a field trip, a few friends and I took a ferry from Circular Quay to Watson’s Bay. We walked up and around Gap Bluff point, seeing gorgeous views of the Tasman Sea (the portion of the Pacific in between New Zealand and Australia) and a different view of the city. In addition, we ate fish n’ chips at the famous Doyle’s. Getting fish n’ chips there had been on my to do in Australia list since before I ever left the States. So I loved getting to finally try it!

While on the ferry ride, I stood against the railing. I closed my eyes and embraced the moment. I felt the ocean wind, I tasted the salt water spraying against my face and lips, I admired the water, the bridge, the Opera House. And I thought to myself, “what did I ever do to deserve this?”.

It’s days like those that I don’t think I’ll be able to leave Australia. As my roommate says, you really only want to go home when you’re stressed out, locked in your room or the library doing homework. But when I am not doing homework, I am continuously falling in love with Australia.

Whether it be out with friends getting lost, delicious dinners with my host family, ferry rides through the bay, trying new, crazy foods, taking adventures to check off items on my ‘Australia Bucket List’ or just embracing culture here. Each day offers new experiences to grow, to strengthen my relationship with God, to love this place God has brought me to.

When I think back to that February 28^th morning, I have to smile. Oh, how this time here has changed me.

I still eat that museli. But I’ve found it actually have a sweet tasting flavour.

I still take buses. But I’ve learned more about how the run, how to figure out the schedule and the power of just asking if you’re lost.

Walking in the sun has paid off as I have a pretty nice tan. And I’ve decided those blisters are just another way I’m going to convince my mom we should go get pedicures when I get home.

I’ve gotten to know some amazing people here and they really aren’t as weird as I first thought.  In fact, some of them will remain my closest friends for as long as I live.

Class is still boring sometimes. I can understand the lecturers better. But I’ve found out it’s not that bad asking for them to repeat something.  

Three months in and I have found that the culture here is beautiful. It’s a big melting pot, even bigger than the States.

Living with a new family has stretched me in so many ways. While yes, they are totally different than my family, their heart to love stems from the same place as my family back home.  

Spending the time apart from my friends has been tough. But I’ve learned to be thankful for Facetime, Instagram, Skype, iMessage, Facebook, emails and letters. And I’m even more thankful that they haven’t forgotten me!

Being away from my family, my home, my culture, my heart is still difficult. I think leaving all of that behind will be difficult no matter where I go.

But with 18 days left here (crazy, right?!),  I continue to celebrate in how far God has brought me.

And I know there’s a lot more to fit in in these next 3 weeks!