Glimpses

“ Okay, all you have to do is put your feet in, hold on to the handles and slide down. Lean back, don’t lean forward.”

I hesitate but I sit down and I do as he says. I then take another look at the drop.

“Wait, no. There’s no way I’m doing this,” I tell him.

“You have to trust me. Just slide down. It’ll be okay”.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, now go”.

I sit there and think about what is before me. I wonder why everyone else makes it look easy. I wonder if this guy thinks I’m insane. I wonder if anyone has died doing this.

“No. Never mind this is crazy,” I hear myself saying. I get off of the edge, grab my mat and hurry down the stairs. All the while, the attendant is calling after me to come back.

I meet my friends halfway only to find out they aren’t letting me get away without going down. If they had to, I have to as well. Besides, they survived.

So I turn around and find the attendant smiling at me.

“I’m back,” I tell him.

I go through the whole routine again.

Mat on the edge.

Slide in.

Grab the handles.

And then I freeze.

Everyone is telling me what to do.

Including the two voices in my head.

One was telling me I could do this, it’s just a second of pure, insane courage. Clearly, I will not die.

The other is telling me I’m going to die. That it is impossible to go down this thing and not fly all over the place.

As I’m trying to sort out the two fighting voices, I feel a push.

And down I go.

Sara had pushed me.

As I flew down, I screamed and yelled that I’d kill her.

It was over in a blur, really just a few seconds of flying.

When I came to a stop, I laughed.

It really wasn’t that big of deal at all. The steep fall really only looked steep. And here I was, alive and well.

As I grabbed my mat and started up the stairs to go again, I realized how similar that whole ordeal was to life.

Things always look one way and can be perceived as something they aren’t. We will look at what is ahead and before us and allow that one glimpse to determine the entire ending.

What a shame.

We will let that glimpse force us into getting off the edge and walking away. We allow something to have power over us that never should. We will give up what can be a time of joy and growth because we talk ourselves out of taking that first step, that second or two of courage.

Taking that first step has been a constant theme here. And with each step, it gets a little bit easier.

On Wednesday the 20^th, I reached the one-month mark of living in Sydney, Australia. As in 30 days, as in almost one third of the way through this journey, as in time is starting to simply fly by.

That Wednesday was such a day filled with proof of growth. All throughout the day, God kept making it clear to me in such surreal ways the areas that I have already been changed. It was His way of showing me that He knows what He’s doing. That I asked to be changed by this, and being changed I am.

A theme for this past month has been ‘forever changed’. And throughout the little day-to-day experiences, I am being forever changed.

Two weeks ago I woke up at 4:30 to go watch the sunrise over Bondi Beach. As I watched the water reflect the natural light, the colors evolve over time and a beautiful picture unfold before my eyes, I was in awe. To think that beauty like that happens every morning yet most of us are sleeping is a shame.

Later that day I had to go back to the Virgin Mobile store to have my phone fixed. It would be my fourth visit in seven days. Yes, that is four in seven days. But as always, God taught me something through a small in adamant object. With a constant slew of phone problems, I was starting to get frustrated. Not having everything perfect was hard for me, a self-proclaimed Type A personality. I like everything in order, everything to have it’s own box. And here I was running all around this new city, throughout a mall trying to fix problems that shouldn’t be problems. With each visit though, I started to realize that making a big deal about small deals really is useless. Why give that much power to something so small, so pointless? Why not invest that time and energy into something else? Why let something that I can’t control, control me?

Ever since I had that slap in the face, I have started to learn to let go of more. Which is such a new concept for me. I’m starting to become less uptight and less control- seeking. I go to events that are unplanned, people. That doesn’t have a schedule printed out. Shocker, I know.

On Friday, our class took a field trip to Hyde Park Barracks. I am still surprised at how interesting I find Australian history. To discover how the country was built on shipments of convicts is so peculiar and captivating. The museum was really well done too.

After, I spent the evening in the city with some friends. One of my new favorite places, the CBD (Central Business District) is. I’ve always found cities beautiful but I’m not a crowd person. So Sydney looks a little like Chicago, San Francisco and New York but without the huge crowds of people. We ate some good food (okay, it wasn’t really good at all), got .30 cent ice cream cones at McDonald’s (.30 cents is the cheapest thing in Sydney. Everything else is outrageous), and went to Manly. At Manly I went into the ocean, head under in all my clothes. While that doesn’t sound like that big of deal, it’s such a liberating feeling. And another one of those moments where I let go of the need to have everything just right. So I walked around for the rest of the night in wet clothes. It was definitely worth it!

Saturday we went to Featherdale Wildlife Park. Where I got to pet koalas and feed wallabies! Also, I realized that those little animals are the namesake of 42 Wallaby Way. It was so fun to act like little kids seeing all of the different Australian animals. Back in 3^rd grade I made a stuffed koala at Build A Bear. That was when my dream of someday coming to Australia really began. So it was such a surreal moment to get to pet one and take my picture with it.

I did the most tourist thing you could do in Sydney on Sunday- I hit up Bondi beach with a group of friends after church. It was one of the most beautiful, sunny days and I had the burn to prove it. The water here is definitely warmer than in California so I was able to actually swim in it. Rather than just do the California, dip your toes in, squeal and run away.

The weekends are usually when all of the fun happens but sometimes some gets thrown into the middle of the week. On Wednesday, a few of us traveled around trying to find Krispy Kreme. Harder than it sounds, let me tell you. But the taste of home was worth it. It reminded me of a few late night Krispy Kreme runs back at Jessup.

Later that night our friend Hanna had a 21^st birthday party! We all went over to her homestay where we swam and ate hotdogs and cupcakes. It was really fun to just hang out with our ASC group.

On Friday night, we hit up the city at night again. The Opera House is just stunning lit up at night. But what always gets me is the bridge. Maybe it’s the California within me coming out- the memories of the Bay Bridge seen from AT&T, the Golden Gate while in The City and the different bridges I’ve seemed to cross throughout life. Lit up, it is just magnificent, enthralling and deserves just as much credit as the Opera House if you ask me.

If you ever find yourself in Sydney, please go to Pancakes on the Rocks. A few friends and I went there for dinner that night and it was melt- in- your- mouth- good. I ordered pancakes topped with caramelized bananas, walnuts, chocolate syrup, chocolate and vanilla ice cream. It was just as delicious as it sounds.

After, we took a short ferry ride to Luna Park, a place similar to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. But for being a warm, Friday night it was sort of deserted. Three of us bought a ticket into what’s called Coney Island. It’s sort of like an old school carnival with different slides, and fun games. It was a great way to celebrate the accomplishment of another week!

Saturday was the day of more good food. Sydney Fish Market is heaven for seafood lovers. I had snapper and chips and after not having seafood like that in over a month, I about died right there. The best way to describe the market is that it’s a mall of seafood. Every type of fish is available to order. You can either have it cooked for you, or you can just order the fish raw to take home and cook for yourself.

That afternoon, I spent time with friends swimming and then going out for pizza. Now, I am not a pizza fan. But this pizza was so good! It had a thin crust with very little sauce. Just writing this right now, I’m craving more.

As for Sunday, I was forced to do homework. I know, they bring us to this beautiful country and then force us to sit inside and write papers. Let’s all say “TORTURE” in our best Mike Krukow voice right now. But I finished the paper and can check another item off the ever long, ever growing list of assignments.

This past week, our Indigenous History, Cultures and Identity class took a field trip to the Australia Museum and visited the Aboriginal section. It was filled with different artifacts, quotes, mini exhibits and artwork. After, a few of us walked to the Sydney Sea Life Aquarium. They had such an array of sea life and as an aquarium fan, it was fun to visit another aquarium in the world.

 

On Friday after class, a small group of us participated in an optional field trip. From Uni we went into Circular Quay where we took a ferry to Milson’s Point, which is right under the Harbour Bridge. We then walked up to the bridge and started our trek across. It was such a clear day with beautiful views! And to think that I was able to walk across a famous bridge was humbling in a way. We then went to Parliament and took a tour. I was able to sit in the speaker’s chair and got to yell ‘order’, just as the speaker would do. That was amusing!

That night, 14 of us participated in Family Night at the ASC coordinator’s flat. We made Mexican food, which hit the spot. Back home I’m not a huge fan of Mexican but not even having access to it for the last month, I was starting to crave it. Now if only someone could imitate In N Out for me. We then had a legit dance party. Cha Cha Slide, Electric Slide, Cotton Eyed Joe and so on. It was just as hilarious as it sounds. We played The Paper Game as well. It’s where each person puts in 5 slips of paper with different people to act out. The first round you use words, the second actions and the last only one word. You have 60 seconds to try and get your team to guess as many as possible. You keep going back and forth between teams until the bowl is empty, when you move onto the next round. I cannot even begin to describe the insanity of this game with the crazy people I was playing with. I haven’t laughed that hard in such a long time. Just thinking about it right now while typing this, I am laughing. 

Saturday was spent doing some homework and then I went back into the city with some friends. That night was one of the most unproductive, productive nights of my life. What I mean by that is we literally did nothing (unproductive) but we made a ton of memories (productive). The best memory was running a good half-mile down this huge hill to make it to our ferry on time. But later I got to see two of my favoutite things together- fireworks right next to the Harbour Bridge! There I stood, the Opera House to the right of me, the bridge to the left and beautiful fireworks going off right in the middle.

The next day, two AUSTRALIAN friends from my Growth Group and church took my roommate and I out shopping and to dinner! It was fun to talk to them about the different stores, styles and just girl things (which means yes, we talked about cute boys). And Westfield: Sydney was having a coupon sale so we had to show the Aussies how the Americans love their coupons!

The biggest success I would say of the past two week has been the conversations I’ve gotten to be a part of. I am a verbal processor, a venter, a sit down here and let me tell you what’s on my heart and mind kind of person. My best friends back home know this and have this quality as well. It’s why we’re friends (well, one of the reasons). But when you just meet people for the first time, that’s usually not the first order of business. You have to take part in building those relationships before you get to that stage. As we have reached the one mark though, I have started to reach that stage with a few people and it makes my heart so happy to just be able to talk. Facetime is great, but nothing can substitute for people right in front of you.

My classes are still going well. They’re getting harder each week as the lectures start to get tougher and due dates are approaching. I can already tell it’ll be a battle to stay calm throughout the thick of the semester. But I have to keep surrendering it all to God. He is and will always be in control. And thankfully, I serve a God who truly cares about homework.

These next few weeks will be ones to remember. A few friends and I are heading up to Cairns for Easter Break! We’ll be leaving Saturday to snorkel at the Great Barrier Reef, tour the Rainforest there and more! We’ll get back on Tuesday and on Thursday, our program is taking us to the Outback! It’ll be a week with no technology, just processing and forming life long bonds.  To say I’m stoked would be an understatement.

The stress of the semester is similar in a way to that slide. I could look at this, become terrified and freeze. Maybe even walk away. It wasn’t that long ago that I called my mom and told her I wanted to come home. I could let the voice telling me I can’t, win. I mean, that’s what the voice wants me to do (1 Peter 5:8).

But I don’t want to live life letting one glimpse of something determine all outcomes.

I’m finally starting to feel at home here and it’s a wonderful thing. Also, I’m falling more in love with God on a daily basis. That’s such a beautiful place to be in because you aren’t content to stay in love with God at that place. You want to keep experiencing Him, to fall more and more in love. Each day God has totally made Himself real and tangible in such a different sense than I've ever experienced before. Whether it be in interactions with people here, texts and letters from back home when I’ve needed them, or whatever. I feel like being here in Australia provides me with a front row seat to see God’s glory. And I simply love it.

In all honesty, I am starting to think about what it would be like to move back to Australia one day. Which is in a way, a miracle of some sorts. A month ago, I really didn’t like this place. I have thought for a while that I would move to Nashville after graduation but my dreams for the future are currently being reshaped while I am living out a lifelong dream. Maybe I won’t move back here, maybe it will be some place else. Someplace that hasn’t even entered my mind yet. Or maybe out of irony, I’ll stay in California. Being away for just a month, I have a new found love and appreciation for my home state.

But no matter where I go in the future, I am here now. Being forever changed through these wonderful glimpses. God is doing an incredible work in me through Australia. As the song goes, “nothing ever stays the same”. Australia is most definitely making sure of that.

“Nothing ever stays the same.

Forever named,

forever child,

forever loved,

forever changed.”

-Forever Changed, Carrie Underwood